One Year
My mom is the only person who has asked me how I’m doing today. Of course she already knew the answer, but asked anyway.
One of my groomsmen texted me this morning, but it was to ask a simple question about something totally trivial.
I know it’s a Memorial Day, but fuck I’m drowning over here in my sea of emotions and the whole world seems indifferent. The people who are supposed to care about me and support me and the people who were one year ago today celebrating my wedding with me are nowhere to be found.
I understand it’s hard for people, and maybe they are thinking of me but worry that reaching out would just upset me. And that’s probably my fault for conditioning them to believe that about me.
It’s one of the many reasons I’m in the position I am. Why a woman that I love so much and who loved me and vowed to be with me forever couldn’t keep that promise. Because she couldn’t trust that I would allow myself to be the best version of myself with her, and that really put a damper on her imagining a future for us.
One of my groomsmen texted me this morning, but it was to ask a simple question about something totally trivial.
I know it’s a Memorial Day, but fuck I’m drowning over here in my sea of emotions and the whole world seems indifferent. The people who are supposed to care about me and support me and the people who were one year ago today celebrating my wedding with me are nowhere to be found.
I understand it’s hard for people, and maybe they are thinking of me but worry that reaching out would just upset me. And that’s probably my fault for conditioning them to believe that about me.
It’s one of the many reasons I’m in the position I am. Why a woman that I love so much and who loved me and vowed to be with me forever couldn’t keep that promise. Because she couldn’t trust that I would allow myself to be the best version of myself with her, and that really put a damper on her imagining a future for us.
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