stream of motherfucking conscious

What a long, strange day. I’m so exhausted. Only got 2 ½ hours of sleep last night and it wasn’t even remotely restful. Dreams have been weird in ways that I am not used to the last several days. I should be more emotional after signing the divorce decree today and seeing my wife in person for the first time in 77 days. I didn’t really feel anything while I signed the papers. We had a pleasant enough chat, fell right into our banter which always came easy. I had a hard time looking her in the eye because I knew that would just make me want to grab and kiss her all the more. She looked great. Seemed to be happy enough. Maybe the sleep deprivation staved off me being more anxious or emotional. I need to write her a letter. Going to be too hard to express what I need to her in person, at least for a while. And going forward now it might be a very long time before we see each other again. I stripped the bed last night and washed the sheets and blankets and pillowcases. Don’t have the energy or desire to make the bed. Looks like I’m sleeping on a bare mattress for a while.