Just finished up a rapid burst of job applications for a variety of positions. Have no idea if anything will come of it, but feels good to be somewhat productive and proactive this early in the day. Especially after a restless night of bad dreams full of stress and anxiety. Woke up early around 7:30 AM and actually got out of bed and had breakfast. But now I'm sleepy at 10:30 AM. Like can barely keep my eyes open sleepy. Can't nap. Not good for me. Just got to fight through it. Have a lot to do this week. Costume materials to finish. Doctor's appointment to make. Cleaning and organizing. Trying to arrange for a time to change brake pads on my car, so I might have at least temporary transportation again. You know, all those mundane tasks of life that are unpleasant even when you are in the best of health mentally and physically.
I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
Comments
Post a Comment