Trying to understand if I'm having an urge or a desire.

As in “Do I have a sudden urge to die, or is it something I desire?” Leaning toward urge. Another way of saying it could be: “I wish I were dead right now.” Tomorrow I will probably feel differently but being triggered in a major way right now.

Sadness, disappointment, confusion, frustration have all been regular visitors lately but at this exact moment it is transforming into hatred. Feels like God hates me so why wouldn’t I make the feeling mutual.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
Read more