I don't know

Created an online dating profile just to see if that would spur me on in some way. Barely lasted 24 hours before deleting. It's fucking ridiculous. Unreal. I hate everything about this. I wasn't built for this. Am I actually crazy? I mean legitimately insane. This is supposed to be normal? How is everyone acting like I'm not going through major fucking life-ruining trauma?! Am I crazy? Or just weak? Or just so broken & bling I can't even see it?

I'm angry at God. I'm angry at the world. I'm angry at her for questioning me, for losing faith, for lying, for cutting me off without knowing where we stand. I'm angry at myself for not being more aware, for the mistakes I made, for not being accept my fate. I'm angry at every smiling face and happy couple. I'm angry at my brother for leaving me alone. I'm angry that everyone and everything in my life I have ever loved and poured my heart into has let me down and has never loved me back the same way.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
Read more