Why is everything I write these days so damn long-winded?*
I’ve been in contact with a career counselor at a local community college on and off for most of the last year, which is the same time period of me being under or unemployed when I voluntarily left the career I was in and folded the small business I was running.
I won’t go into all the details again about how one of the major reasons why I even considered making a career change and risking the insecurity and instability of joblessness was because at the time I made the decision I had the full support of a spouse who after two weeks of me being out of work decided she just wanted to end the marriage instead. But I digress. It was ultimately my choice and I made it and I have had to live with it.
I’ve spent the bulk of my adult working life (nearly 17 years) in two fields: healthcare administration and insurance. I have burned out on both of them and don’t desire to further my career in either field, but alas that is where most of my experience is so I have had to continue seeking at least temporary employment in both fields while trying to figure out what new path I might carve out.
Since I don’t have a collegiate degree and my limited college experience was spread over a few institutions and areas of study it’s basically like I am starting from scratch. I’ve been told I’m not a natural fit for most skilled trade/vocational or technical type training or schooling. But I haven’t ruled any of that out yet.
I’m broke, but my debt situation is not so outrageous that I still have a decent enough credit score that I should be able to procure some student loans at a decent rate. I’m certainly not in a place where I can consider just going to school or university full time but there are a lot of programs for working adults, both in class and online or even a mixture of both.
I have been mulling over some of the programs vetted by the career and education counselor I spoke of at the beginning of this now far too long ramble. As of right now I have one in particular that I have requested more info on because I’m giving it serious consideration and trying to determine whether or not it is doable, and if so what I steps I need to take to get started.
It’s an online program through Syracuse University for a Communications degree with a concentration in Digital Journalism. Journalism was my very first brief college major. I was heavily involved with print and broadcast in high school, and my very first job post-high school graduation was working for a community newspaper as a Contributing Writer. I then freelanced for other newspapers and websites for a few years.
Had I been wiser 15 years ago I would have never gotten off the journalism track, but I got side-swiped by a dream of doing Theatre professionally and then a series of family and personal tragedies left me reeling and grabbing the first steady job I could find to just get settled in the adult world. Of course settling doesn’t usually work out and that is why I have run into a repeated case of burn out and self-destruction every few years.
I am far from confident, but having very little else to lose at this point, I think a swing back to something in the world of journalism might be a very smart move for me. It was actually an idea that I had while still married and was supported by my wife. But I can’t get bogged down in thinking about the “what might have been” scenarios. This last year happened. It’s been terrible and deflating and I’ve wanted to just die at times but I’m not dead. And I’m tired of living like I am.
All the struggle this last year, the job interviews that don’t lead to anything, the temp jobs that don’t lead to anything or last very long, this is all part of it. Desperate measures and so on. This is my reality. I can’t keep waiting for myself to just suddenly wake up one morning and be OK again. That will never happen. I’m going to have to make some tough choices and put in a lot of hard work, even at times when all I want to do is just crawl into a hole and disappear.
Disappearing isn’t an option. Things magically going back to how they were before isn’t an option. Continuing to live like I am right now isn’t an option. So the only thing left to do is to force myself to do something else. And I really hope that I am actually on the precipice of doing that. Not just saying it.
*When I was 16 I attended the very well respected Flint Hills Journalism camp held on the campus of Kansas State University. I was part of the broadcast journalism unit. At the end of the camp our professor gave out personalized superlatives in certificate form. Mine was “most likely to defend a long-winded lead to the death award”. Some things never change.
I won’t go into all the details again about how one of the major reasons why I even considered making a career change and risking the insecurity and instability of joblessness was because at the time I made the decision I had the full support of a spouse who after two weeks of me being out of work decided she just wanted to end the marriage instead. But I digress. It was ultimately my choice and I made it and I have had to live with it.
I’ve spent the bulk of my adult working life (nearly 17 years) in two fields: healthcare administration and insurance. I have burned out on both of them and don’t desire to further my career in either field, but alas that is where most of my experience is so I have had to continue seeking at least temporary employment in both fields while trying to figure out what new path I might carve out.
Since I don’t have a collegiate degree and my limited college experience was spread over a few institutions and areas of study it’s basically like I am starting from scratch. I’ve been told I’m not a natural fit for most skilled trade/vocational or technical type training or schooling. But I haven’t ruled any of that out yet.
I’m broke, but my debt situation is not so outrageous that I still have a decent enough credit score that I should be able to procure some student loans at a decent rate. I’m certainly not in a place where I can consider just going to school or university full time but there are a lot of programs for working adults, both in class and online or even a mixture of both.
I have been mulling over some of the programs vetted by the career and education counselor I spoke of at the beginning of this now far too long ramble. As of right now I have one in particular that I have requested more info on because I’m giving it serious consideration and trying to determine whether or not it is doable, and if so what I steps I need to take to get started.
It’s an online program through Syracuse University for a Communications degree with a concentration in Digital Journalism. Journalism was my very first brief college major. I was heavily involved with print and broadcast in high school, and my very first job post-high school graduation was working for a community newspaper as a Contributing Writer. I then freelanced for other newspapers and websites for a few years.
Had I been wiser 15 years ago I would have never gotten off the journalism track, but I got side-swiped by a dream of doing Theatre professionally and then a series of family and personal tragedies left me reeling and grabbing the first steady job I could find to just get settled in the adult world. Of course settling doesn’t usually work out and that is why I have run into a repeated case of burn out and self-destruction every few years.
I am far from confident, but having very little else to lose at this point, I think a swing back to something in the world of journalism might be a very smart move for me. It was actually an idea that I had while still married and was supported by my wife. But I can’t get bogged down in thinking about the “what might have been” scenarios. This last year happened. It’s been terrible and deflating and I’ve wanted to just die at times but I’m not dead. And I’m tired of living like I am.
All the struggle this last year, the job interviews that don’t lead to anything, the temp jobs that don’t lead to anything or last very long, this is all part of it. Desperate measures and so on. This is my reality. I can’t keep waiting for myself to just suddenly wake up one morning and be OK again. That will never happen. I’m going to have to make some tough choices and put in a lot of hard work, even at times when all I want to do is just crawl into a hole and disappear.
Disappearing isn’t an option. Things magically going back to how they were before isn’t an option. Continuing to live like I am right now isn’t an option. So the only thing left to do is to force myself to do something else. And I really hope that I am actually on the precipice of doing that. Not just saying it.
*When I was 16 I attended the very well respected Flint Hills Journalism camp held on the campus of Kansas State University. I was part of the broadcast journalism unit. At the end of the camp our professor gave out personalized superlatives in certificate form. Mine was “most likely to defend a long-winded lead to the death award”. Some things never change.
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