I got hired to be a props master and art department assistant for a religious indie film shooting in my neck of the woods. Start tomorrow morning. Gig runs through 9/10. Should be a crazy hectic schedule, as I am also just starting rehearsals for a stage production of “Harvey” which opens on 9/16. Thankfully I have a small role and already have most of my lines down. Will just have to squeeze some rehearsals whenever I can. This is all good news, for sure. But of course I’m a bit nervous. Haven’t worked on a proper film set in a professional (AKA paid) capacity in well over a decade. The producer I met tonight when I signed my contract seemed really down to earth. I’ll be working closely with someone I know well, but who is much younger than me and is taking on a lot of responsibility for this film, which is his first. I hope I can be an asset to him and we can grind this out with flying colors. I fear that all the other shit I’ve got going on in my life and in my head might get me tripped up, but I’m gonna do my best. The pay is decent and at least it’s something new.
I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
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