My work Christmas party starts in less than three hours. All I’ve done with my day off today is laundry, wash dishes, and other housecleaning. And watch a bad movie - The Circle (2017). I have a bit of an upset stomach. Is that enough of a reason to not go? I shouldn’t have RSVP’d yes. If I can’t enjoy the free food or the cash bar, what’s the point? Making small talk with co-workers and their families? Even worse would be going there and talking about work, or having to talk about myself. Or politics. Or anything. I’ve never done an office Christmas party sober before. It’s terrifying.
I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
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