Tough day on set. Had to take a lot of shit. Multiple inappropriate outbursts directed at me. Unprofessional and uncalled. for.
Most everyone who snapped at me has apologized, or others tried to apologize and excuse their behavior worried I might walk. I very nearly did a few times. Also nearly punched someone. No idea how this crew and production team work like this. We’re understaffed and short on time to finish, okay. Tempers are short and I tend not to take it personal, but don’t question my work ethic. Doing the jobs of three people for a pittance and with my already precarious metal health state is tricky.
Angry cried on my drove home. One more fucking day. And then on Sunday I can rest. Then on Monday I have to start push week for a stage production of Harvey I am appearing in and woefully unprepared. Wish I could have given this role and play more of my time. I'm sure it'll turn out fine. Just another level of chaos for the time being.
I have to pay some overdue bills with the money I’m making from this job. My car needs a little bit of work done and soon I will know what I owe for 2015 taxes. Won’t be enough for all of it, but better than nothing. Would be nice to get some steady work that doesn’t make me want to jump off a building. Doesn’t even have to be very high paying, just need to make enough to give me enough sure footing while I figuring out what the hell I am doing with my life now.
Also need to get around to scheduling a conversation or visit with my ex. Need to have it out with her badly. Gotta get a lot of stuff off my chest and maybe get some answers to the questions torturing me. Will have to sit down and type up some talking points so I don’t get too distracted and emotional and miss out on what I need.
The last time we saw each other in person was awkward because we didn’t hug or kiss or even touch each other. She looked so great and even though I was angry and wanted to vent some at that time, specifically at her, I didn’t because I was distracted by my desire to wrap my arms around her, hold on tight, and kiss her till the cows come home.
Jumping back to the benefits of finding steady work again would be health insurance or at least being able to afford to re-start medication. Been off all depression and anxiety meds since late July. It’s been rough.
Most everyone who snapped at me has apologized, or others tried to apologize and excuse their behavior worried I might walk. I very nearly did a few times. Also nearly punched someone. No idea how this crew and production team work like this. We’re understaffed and short on time to finish, okay. Tempers are short and I tend not to take it personal, but don’t question my work ethic. Doing the jobs of three people for a pittance and with my already precarious metal health state is tricky.
Angry cried on my drove home. One more fucking day. And then on Sunday I can rest. Then on Monday I have to start push week for a stage production of Harvey I am appearing in and woefully unprepared. Wish I could have given this role and play more of my time. I'm sure it'll turn out fine. Just another level of chaos for the time being.
I have to pay some overdue bills with the money I’m making from this job. My car needs a little bit of work done and soon I will know what I owe for 2015 taxes. Won’t be enough for all of it, but better than nothing. Would be nice to get some steady work that doesn’t make me want to jump off a building. Doesn’t even have to be very high paying, just need to make enough to give me enough sure footing while I figuring out what the hell I am doing with my life now.
Also need to get around to scheduling a conversation or visit with my ex. Need to have it out with her badly. Gotta get a lot of stuff off my chest and maybe get some answers to the questions torturing me. Will have to sit down and type up some talking points so I don’t get too distracted and emotional and miss out on what I need.
The last time we saw each other in person was awkward because we didn’t hug or kiss or even touch each other. She looked so great and even though I was angry and wanted to vent some at that time, specifically at her, I didn’t because I was distracted by my desire to wrap my arms around her, hold on tight, and kiss her till the cows come home.
Jumping back to the benefits of finding steady work again would be health insurance or at least being able to afford to re-start medication. Been off all depression and anxiety meds since late July. It’s been rough.
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