this fucking late night insomniac heartbroken unemployed divorcee with mental illness and no health insurance or much support from friends and family outside of being ignored and told to move on is so trite and exhausting and boring and why can't I just figure out how to fix just one single thing in my crappy life can one motherfucking thing be okay does it all have to be shitty and yeah I know there is an overflow of shittiness in the word I don't mean to trivialize the pain and suffering of millions who have it far worse than I do but I am only one person with one life to live and I pray and try to be a good person but I always fail and fall and I'm trying to be okay because I can't help anyone else or do anything to make the world less shitty until I am okay myself
I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
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