Gotta say pretty disappointing to have gone the entire weekend dipping my toe back into the online dating world and to have gotten crickets so far. That’s not doing well for my self-esteem. Wasn’t expecting to fall in love or have a booty call instantly, but I received just one simple “Hello” message that I responded to but was not replied back to. Bumble, Tinder, and OKCupid. I refuse to try Match because I hate those TV commercials so much. Has been interesting to see women I know on these platforms, some of whom are in relationships; or were the last I knew, so maybe their single or maybe they are just swinging. And there are a lot of swinging/poly/etc women in the Austin apparently, at least judging by the amount of profiles I’ve come across. It was no easy thing to put myself out there, so maybe if I get too impatient to have any sort of interaction that is a sign that I’m not ready for this? I don’t know. Maybe just focus on the people in my life that know me and are trying set me up? Dating sucks. Until it doesn’t.
I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
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