Animals by Frank O’Hara

Last two nights have been unseasonably cool at night. In low 60s/high 50s. Yes, that is unseasonably cool in Central Texas for early September.

The house is so quiet at night with no AC running. It takes some getting used to. And it certainly isn’t helping me get to sleep any easier. The quiet and the cool. The quiet is disarming, the coolness gives me energy.

I ate bad today. And felt bad today. Not sure the order or proper causation of that. Overall for the year I’m doing better with diet. Maybe if I’m being generous I’d say I’m at 75% eating right, 25% not eating right. Which is pretty good considering I’ve been at 50/50 for most of my adult life.

I just finished Season 4 of Marvel’s Agents of SHEILD and I was surprised by how much I actually liked it. I was ready to give up on the series overall after a very underwhelming 3rd season and two mixed bag earlier seasons.

Had a whopper of a nightmare/somber dream night. Last thing I need lingering in my head on any given day but especially when tonight is Opening Night for a play I'm performing in.

Two & a half weeks ago I had three job interviews within days of each other, all seemed like serious contenders. But no offers ever came.

Only one of the three has not officially said no yet, but it doesn't look good. They haven't responded to my follow up calls/emails. And they were a former place of employment for me that I think might have just interviewed as a favor from former colleagues without any serious interest. Not sure that is much of favor though, getting ones hopes up.

Meanwhile, this week I've received several immediate "HARD PASS" type responses after sending resumes for other job openings. Stating that my lack of recent work experience is not something they are interested in. Been out of work for all of 2017. Not for a lack of trying very hard. And now it's counting against me that I have such a gap in employment. 

I've never been this broke in my entire life and it is truly humbling and sobering and very depressing to not have any control over your life I throw myself into doing whatever I can to take care of others in small ways, especially those who are helping take care of me in the ways I can't right now.

There is so much bad news everyday in the world and some days it barely registers for me because it's hard to pick out a dark cloud when it feels like you are living in a black hole. But I pray. And I pray. And I pray. And one day I hope that my prayers are less angry and desperate.