Thought I was having a bad/hard day. Lots of heavy things in the world right now putting it all into perspective for me. I'm here. I'm alive. Thought I was having a hard day. But I was having an inconvenient day, a nuisance of a day. Not the same thing. I know what hard days are. What bad days are like. Today was not one for me personally. That's worth remembering. Have to resist the temptation to get too wrapped up in every little thing that isn't working out for me. Gotta save my strength for the bigger things both in my life and outwardly in the world.
I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
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