I shouldn't, but..
Facebook just had to remind me that four years yesterday was when my ex and I became “Facebook official” after having dated for a month. And today it is one year since she told me she wanted to divorce me, which came only two weeks after I quit my job in order to find a better long term career plan that worked for both us. I've had very little employment since then.
I turn 35 in three weeks and all I have to my name is a few boxes of personal belongings & other assorted junk; a car that is unreliable and could very well just completely crap out on me for good in the near future; personal debts totaling around $6k; and no solid prospects for work or finding a living arrangement other than continuing to sleep in mother’s home office.
The saddest admission I can make right now is that I’ve been going through all of this with next to no input or support from any of the so-called loved ones in my life, family or friends. They don’t even talk around the subject like they are just trying to feel out how I’m doing. It just seems like nothing even happened. That is the most frustrating thing. I don’t understand it. I keep thinking maybe I’m to blame since I’ve always been so guarded and good at hiding how I’m doing, but I’ve been trying my hardest to make it very clear that I am not doing good at all.
Maybe they don't ask, because they don't want to know. It's easier that way, huh? I'm not happy being here, where I am physically and where I am emotionally. I want her back. I want us back. I want another shot. But then I think if my life is so terrible without her and all that came from having her in my life, then imagine how it must have felt for her to have such a great life and have a weight like me dragging it down. I didn't even realize that I was doing such a bad job being her husband. I know there is so much I wish I would've said and done. And I can't shake the feeling that if I just had a little more time I would've turned the corner.
I turn 35 in three weeks and all I have to my name is a few boxes of personal belongings & other assorted junk; a car that is unreliable and could very well just completely crap out on me for good in the near future; personal debts totaling around $6k; and no solid prospects for work or finding a living arrangement other than continuing to sleep in mother’s home office.
The saddest admission I can make right now is that I’ve been going through all of this with next to no input or support from any of the so-called loved ones in my life, family or friends. They don’t even talk around the subject like they are just trying to feel out how I’m doing. It just seems like nothing even happened. That is the most frustrating thing. I don’t understand it. I keep thinking maybe I’m to blame since I’ve always been so guarded and good at hiding how I’m doing, but I’ve been trying my hardest to make it very clear that I am not doing good at all.
Maybe they don't ask, because they don't want to know. It's easier that way, huh? I'm not happy being here, where I am physically and where I am emotionally. I want her back. I want us back. I want another shot. But then I think if my life is so terrible without her and all that came from having her in my life, then imagine how it must have felt for her to have such a great life and have a weight like me dragging it down. I didn't even realize that I was doing such a bad job being her husband. I know there is so much I wish I would've said and done. And I can't shake the feeling that if I just had a little more time I would've turned the corner.
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