After Burn

Gotta say pretty disappointing to have gone the entire weekend dipping my toe back into the online dating world and to have gotten crickets so far. That’s not doing well for my self-esteem. Wasn’t expecting to fall in love or have a booty call instantly, but I received just one simple “Hello” message that I responded to but was not replied back to. Bumble, Tinder, and OKCupid. I refuse to try Match because I hate those TV commercials so much. Has been interesting to see women I know on these platforms, some of whom are in relationships; or were the last I knew, so maybe their single or maybe they are just swinging. And there are a lot of swinging/poly/etc women in the Austin apparently, at least judging by the amount of profiles I’ve come across. It was no easy thing to put myself out there, so maybe if I get too impatient to have any sort of interaction that is a sign that I’m not ready for this? I don’t know. Maybe just focus on the people in my life that know me and are trying s...

A friend of mine, the wife of the playwright & director of the play I just closed last weekend,  told me this afternoon that she wants to fix me up with someone she knows, who came to see the play, later expressed interest in me to her.  Kind of makes me feel weird that they just didn’t come up and say hello after the play. But audience members that don’t already know me rarely come up to me after shows, even when I am trying to be as cordial and inviting and friendly as possible.  Of course tonight at rehearsal I was talking to a fellow actor that I don’t know very well and she was just making polite conversation and I talked about myself the entire time never once asking her about herself. My social awkwardness and lack of awareness is something so ingrained in me that I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try to be different.  And I’m still not sure about trying to date again yet. I’ve just gone through a period of time where my sex drive was cr...

Went to bed at 2AM last night and slept in until 11AM. Between an intense early AM workout yesterday, then babysitting, then closing night performance and other running around and general lack of sleep recently I guess my was finally just wore out. Had to pop a few Aleve first thing when I woke up because my muscles hate me right now. Anticipate a lazy day of catching up on laundry and other cleaning. At least the garbage holiday of March 17th is over. Spring starts Tuesday. We seem to have settled into our high 40s in the AM, high 80s in the PM weather pattern. I remember it well from my competitive tennis playing days. Freezing during an early morning match then sweating profusely in the afternoon matches. No rest for the wicked as I start rehearsals for "Pride & Prejudice" on Monday. Very much looking forward to it. Although I'm overly concerned about sticking to my diet well enough to lose a bit of the paunch & belly before having to fit into slimming and ...

I agreed to let my cousin try to set me up. Her husband works with a woman who works with this woman. Don’t remember what she even said her name was. Just told me she is blonde & tall. Has a nine year old kid but the father is very much not in the picture, which I know she mentioned because she knows that kids are not a dealbreaker for me, but that I’m not interested in relationship that comes with built in drama/conflict. She’s a nurse but works part time at this bar, that I’ve been to because I know some other people that work there and have a few friends that are regulars there. I have absolutely zero expectations, but I’m going to be open to it. Why the hell not? Have nothing to lose. And maybe, just maybe it’ll be OK. Even if it isn’t love or anything serious. I’m definitely not looking for causal sex, but I’m very open to anything just above that.

Last night a friend quoted Frank Zappa to me as a way trying to comfort(?) me about my divorce. I had mentioned that St. Patrick's Day was the day when my ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce. “Broken hearts are for assholes.” I mean, yeah, Frank is right. But I was born an asshole. Maybe I don’t even need to work on the broken heart, just work on not being an asshole.

Blah. Life has been very busy, very blah. Opening night tomorrow for my already third play in the first three months of this year. This one has been the trickiest so far. We need at least two more weeks of rehearsal, but that ain't happening. I'm working mostly with a performer that is quite the opposite in style from me, but even though I'm usually quite adaptable this material is strange, dense, and flowery; so it makes it difficult to tell the story without precision. And neither of know the material well enough yet to be able to steer each other without hiccups. Then I'll have two weeks off without rehearsal (YAY!), just performances of this show the next two weekends. Before rehearsals start on "Pride & Prejudice" in which I am playing Mr. Darcy. I am very much looking forward to that. I'll be quite possibly the least attractive man to ever play Jane Austen's most famous romantic foil, but I fucking know this character so well and love...