Just had to drop my new car back off at the dealership after it died on me. Fingers crossed it is just something minor, but have an uneasy feeling. They are all very nice and concerned at the dealership, manager extended my return with no penalty date by another week. I had been looking at a few Nissan Sentras with similar prices & milage before I bought the Ford Focus, so that may be an option. I can’t not have a car. This on top of the news yesterday that my mom’s car, which I had been driving for the past year, needs a new transmission. $4k it is going to cost since warranty has expired due to the high mileage I put on it in past few months. I wish I had some Klonopin or Xanax.
I just watched “Obvious Child” and my heart fucking hurts so much because it was so funny, beautiful, honest, tender. And it makes me hate my own life and situation a thousand times more tha I already do. I’m supposed to see her on Friday to sign the divorce papers and so she can give me back the rest of the my shit that I left behind in the house that we shared as our home. And when I say shit, I mean exactly that, just crap that I don’t need or want but she can’t stand to have any trace of me left hanging around and doesn’t have the decency to burn it or throw away on her own. Like she even has a photo of me that I had given to her and she wants to return it to me. What the fuck?! It’s for me to process the idea that she is capable of such cruelty. Is it not enough that I am giving her what she wants? Is it not enough that I am left with next to nothing? No job, a broke down car, living with my parents, an entire life and future dreamt of and hoped for dashed. Friends & fami...
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