I’m sure at some point during this election I thought to myself “It’ll be a cold day in Hell before Donald Trump gets elected President of the U.S.”. Well my day to day life for most of 2016 has been a waking Hell. And it was cold yesterday.
2003, 2004, 2007, 2010, 2011. Those were the most trying and painful and traumatic years of my adult life. I made it through them all. I don’t have a lot of faith right now that I will be able to say the same about 2016.
I essentially quit drinking in August 2013. Only occasionally drinking in certain social situations and drinking very lightly even then. I have not had a sip of Bourbon since the Kentucky Derby in 2015 when my then fiance and myself made Juleps to watch the race. I have had plenty of reasons to drink since then but haven’t so far.
Since that time I’ve had cousin I was very close to killed in a motorcycle crash. I’ve had my wife start (and soon to be complete) divorce proceedings. I’ve been out of work since the first week of March. I’ve had to leave my home and move back in with my parents. I sleep in my mom’s home office. I have no safe places. No solace or solidarity. I have no health insurance, no prescription medication to treat my mental illnesses since this past Spring. My support system is almost non-existent. I held the lifeless head of a friend while on the phone with 9-11 just two months ago. I don’t even have a bank account right now. I own a vehicle that is breaking down and that is not even more worth $2,000 at this point. I owe my almost ex-wife nearly $3,000 for tax and divorce costs. Even if I didn’t know a single thing about this election, was completely in the dark about it, I would still be at the lowest point spiritually and mentally that I have ever been in my adult life.
I know that if I started drinking again it wouldn't make any difference. But it doesn't seem like not drinking has done much for me either.
2003, 2004, 2007, 2010, 2011. Those were the most trying and painful and traumatic years of my adult life. I made it through them all. I don’t have a lot of faith right now that I will be able to say the same about 2016.
I essentially quit drinking in August 2013. Only occasionally drinking in certain social situations and drinking very lightly even then. I have not had a sip of Bourbon since the Kentucky Derby in 2015 when my then fiance and myself made Juleps to watch the race. I have had plenty of reasons to drink since then but haven’t so far.
Since that time I’ve had cousin I was very close to killed in a motorcycle crash. I’ve had my wife start (and soon to be complete) divorce proceedings. I’ve been out of work since the first week of March. I’ve had to leave my home and move back in with my parents. I sleep in my mom’s home office. I have no safe places. No solace or solidarity. I have no health insurance, no prescription medication to treat my mental illnesses since this past Spring. My support system is almost non-existent. I held the lifeless head of a friend while on the phone with 9-11 just two months ago. I don’t even have a bank account right now. I own a vehicle that is breaking down and that is not even more worth $2,000 at this point. I owe my almost ex-wife nearly $3,000 for tax and divorce costs. Even if I didn’t know a single thing about this election, was completely in the dark about it, I would still be at the lowest point spiritually and mentally that I have ever been in my adult life.
I know that if I started drinking again it wouldn't make any difference. But it doesn't seem like not drinking has done much for me either.
Comments
Post a Comment