Déjà vu
I never have as strong Déjà vu as when I really hate my life. And I am having very strong Déjà vu tonight.
It doesn’t feel so much like I am an adult child living with my parents again because I am down on my luck trying to get back on my feet as it feels like I am being punished for something and am stuck being a third wheel in my parents’ shitty marriage while trying to come to accept and mourn and move on from my own recent failed marriage that wasn’t even 1/100th as dysfunctional as my parents’ is.
The past six months have been tough and the next three or four will also be, but hopefully working this job with long and odd hours and gaining some financial independence will give me a base to work up from. I just need to get out of my head and stop trying to fix problems that will never be fixed, or get resolution to things that will never get resolved. And I most definitely need to stop thinking that things are just going to start getting better because they’ve been go bad for so long. It’s never worked that way, never will. Things could even get worse before they start to get better.
Work. Do. Move. Take a breath when I need to. Be OK with not being OK. Be as honest as I can. Be OK with that making others feel uncomfortable. Take care of myself first. Do the little things. Do the hard things.
It doesn’t feel so much like I am an adult child living with my parents again because I am down on my luck trying to get back on my feet as it feels like I am being punished for something and am stuck being a third wheel in my parents’ shitty marriage while trying to come to accept and mourn and move on from my own recent failed marriage that wasn’t even 1/100th as dysfunctional as my parents’ is.
The past six months have been tough and the next three or four will also be, but hopefully working this job with long and odd hours and gaining some financial independence will give me a base to work up from. I just need to get out of my head and stop trying to fix problems that will never be fixed, or get resolution to things that will never get resolved. And I most definitely need to stop thinking that things are just going to start getting better because they’ve been go bad for so long. It’s never worked that way, never will. Things could even get worse before they start to get better.
Work. Do. Move. Take a breath when I need to. Be OK with not being OK. Be as honest as I can. Be OK with that making others feel uncomfortable. Take care of myself first. Do the little things. Do the hard things.
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