After Burn

Up at 5:30AM on Sunday morning with a stomach bug. Wasted the entire day sleeping or laying around feeling lousy.  Maybe 4 hours of sleep last night, which was just long enough to have an excruciating dream about my ex. I just hope this Monday at work takes it easy on me or else I’ll be tempted to walk next door to the mental health hospital (Austin’s lone facility of that nature far as I know) and check myself in. Been just over 11 years since my last visit there. 

I slept in on Saturday until 10:30, which is very late for me. Then I took a solid 90 minute nap that afternoon while babysitting my 18 month old cousin while she also napped. I knew catching up on that much sleep would result in a very difficult time getting to sleep later that same evening. And she enough I got home from my performance of “Sweeney Todd” at 11pm, was exhausted but didn’t get to sleep until after 3am. It is now just after 6:30am and I’m wide awake but still exhausted and emotionally drained as I had a very intense and unpleasant dream about my ex-wife during my all too brief night of sleep. I am on medication again, but was going to wait until I paid off my debts and could afford to move out of my parents’ home before I started talk therapy again due to the cost and time it takes. Not sure I can wait that long anymore. Things have been rough for a few weeks now. I used to have a very blue period in July, but now it starts in late May and carries into August. Too ...

I started trying to clean & organize my bedroom at 9AM this morning. It’s now midnight and I’m trying to go to bed but did not get nearly far enough with my original task. Now I have to just scootch over enough room to crash out. And deal with the junk on my bed when I have time, like next weekend. This was meant to be a self-deprecating post, but now I just feel very sad and overwhelmed at how little time I have as of late. Can’t seem to get ahead off or even on schedule with much of anything these days. Always distracted or sidetracked. After midnight so it is officially June 11th. Which means it is now 8 years since the last time I used any kind of drugs. I was unemployed and partying with some of my oldest friends from middle school/high school, we decided to cut loose and pretend it was the late night 90s again by throwing a private rave for ourselves at my buddy’s house. I don’t even remember what I took or snorted that. Probably shit I shouldn’t have mixed with ecst...

I have to be up in five hours to start another drudgery work week. I will also have late nights of Sweeney Todd rehearsals this week; and I was too busy, lazy, or forgetful to work on my songs or lines this weekend. Did order a prop off Amazon though. We open on June 15th. Holy shit. I have so much to do.