After Burn

For the last hour I’ve been on the toilet. Did I somehow accidentally take that prep/cleanse stuff you take before a colonoscopy? I didn’t eat anything with dairy today, but my lactose intolerance is not always a factor in my IBS. Sometimes it is other foods, and sometimes it just nerves. I know, what a catch, huh?  Was a pretty wasted Saturday. That sucks. Tomorrow will fly by and then Monday will be here and I’ll have work & rehearsal & having to go back to the dealership to pick up my new car from the service department, then having until Thursday to decide if I want to keep it or return it.  And it’s still February but I have to go buy a ew window unit AC for my bedroom because my room is too hot and stuffy unless it’s a very cold day, which we’ve had more than usual this winter but winter is almost over.  I get paid on Wednesday and just got my tax return back, so I might just have enough to pay off my one remaining credit card in full. But if I ...

Just had to drop my new car back off at the dealership after it died on me. Fingers crossed it is just something minor, but have an uneasy feeling. They are all very nice and concerned at the dealership, manager extended my return with no penalty date by another week. I had been looking at a few Nissan Sentras with similar prices & milage before I bought the Ford Focus, so that may be an option. I can’t not have a car. This on top of the news yesterday that my mom’s car, which I had been driving for the past year, needs a new transmission. $4k it is going to cost since warranty has expired due to the high mileage I put on it in past few months. I wish I had some Klonopin or Xanax.

Nothing like a Monday morning at work and thinking about how today is the fifth anniversary of your first date with your now ex-wife to officially burst the happy & good we bubble you’ve been living in the past 48 hours.

Yesterday I bought an almost new car. I bought three boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I was officially offered the role of Darcy in an upcoming production of “Pride & Prejudice”, a role I believe I was born to play but didn’t think I would ever get the chance to do. I brought my twin 9 year old cousins that I don’t get the chance to spend a lot of time with to see tonight’s performance of “Cinderella” and afterwards treated all of us to Amy’s ice cream. And then I ended the day with seeing Black Panther. Days that good don’t come along often in a life. I’m humbled and appreciative but will totally understand if I get struck by lightning or diagnosed with a horrible disease next week.

Been sick all week. Started to feel better on Wednesday, but then took a turn for the worse on Thursday. Saw one of the PA's at the medical clinic I work in. Flu and Strep throat tests were negative. Likely an upper respiratory infection. I was running a low grade fever, which is very rare for me even when I have an infection. Started some antibiotics and cough medicine (but not the fun kind with narcotics). Took a sick day on Friday to rest up. Didn't want to risk feeling so bad that I couldn't perform in the final weekend of "Cinderella". I have never missed a show due to illness before. Even did a show last November, a musical revue that I was the MC for, while battling a cold and laryngitis. Probably going to have to spend about $250 for a rental car for this week. My mom’s car, which I use daily since having to sell my car last year, is overdue for some service and has recently started acting up. She’ll be able to get a low cost rental for herself while it ...

What a fucking week. And it's not even over. Not even close. Whew. Trying to not lose sight of the good in all the bad and chaotic swirling around. Just need to find a moment to breathe. To rest.

I shouldn’t always share everything that happens to me. Like what happened to me on the way to the show tonight. Embarrassing and uncomfortable. Nothing dangerous. Perhaps it is helping me in the final performance of this miserable character.  Have to trudge over to a Walmart after the show on the way home to pick up something for my dad since his birthday is tomorrow. He’s never responded to thoughtful & original gifts, so something practical and simple will do.  Nothing really planned for tomorrow. Have to get out and do some looking around & shopping for costume pieces for “Cinderella”. Then basically learn the show this week before opening on Friday. No rest for the wicked. I let slip something last night in casual conversation that was a bit of a dig at a mutual good friend. I’m worried it came off more bitter than it was intended. And that it is going to get back to person I referenced. Ugh.