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Showing posts from September, 2018
I should’ve been a basketball or tennis coach. Or became a theatre teacher. Never should’ve taken time off from school knowing I’d never go back and get my degree.  I wouldn’t have a big house or fancy car. I’d still be paying off student loans. Probably just getting by about the same as now. But I’d be happier, I know that.  I was a desperate and depressed 21 year old that took a job a close family friend offered out of kindness and it turned into a career path I never wanted. Fifteen years later I struggle to find stability and fulfillment in my work. And find it even harder to break away into something else. 
Just had Four days off and now I’m four hours away from needing to get up to start my work week. Can’t get to sleep. Did plenty of sleeping the past four days. Too much sleeping. Not much of anything else. Haven’t even left the house since Friday afternoon. What a waste. Didn’t even get any rehearsal or study for the play. I fucking hate myself. I hate this sad, lethargic, dispassionate person I’ve become.